Are you Afraid of Falling in Love?

Although society glamorises falling in love, there are plenty of people who are terrified of love. They may fear being lost, suffocated or controlled; or experience may have taught them to equate love with pain (so they tend to recoil for fear of being hurt again). Certainly, love is a journey and the future is unknown but it can be transforming if the love is genuine.

So how can you learn to feel less afraid of love, and take the steps you need to welcome love into your life?

1. Recognise that it’s OK to feel the feelings of love: Let yourself experience the good feelings of love - affection, gentleness, and sensitivity. They are healthy and positive - and add to your life.

2. Confront and deal with the shadows of the past: If feelings from the past, and a bad relationship, begin to raise their head and threaten new feelings of love then it’s time to confront them, and put them in their place. Remind yourself that this is a completely different person, and you’re emotionally stronger and much wiser now.

3. Face your fears: Whatever you fear - suffocation, loss of self, hurt, abandonment or disillusionment – consider what has caused that, or who has caused you pain.  Also, remember, you can keep a level head when you’re in love. You are still an individual, who can work on boundaries. It’s healthy and life-giving to protect yourself.

4. Take it slowly at first: You’re probably unlikely to feel love at first sight. You’re much too cautious – but that can be a positive. Take your time building trust and slowly learning how to love. It often leads in time to a mature, enduring love.

5. Don’t neglect your old friends and interests: Being in love is adding something to your life. It’s not taking over, or changing who you are. If you have interests that define you, then they’re part of who you are - and if you give them up you’ll lose your personality.

Now you understand the process, you can start to fall in love and embark upon this journey of self-discovery (which includes discovering another person, too!)