What is Self-Esteem?

1. Self-esteem is our emotional evaluation of our own worth and value.

2. It is related to how I judge myself as a person, and the subsequent attitudes I hold towards myself. (For example, whether I think of myself as a winner or loser; whether I like and respect myself or dislike or despise myself; whether I think I’m a loveable person or someone who doesn’t deserve to be loved.)

3. Thus, it is based on my beliefs about myself (for example, “I’m smart and competent, “I’m a good person”, “I’m a loyal friend”) and the emotions related to these (for example, pride, shame, happiness, despair .)

4.  It is my personal judgment about whether or not I have what it takes to face the basic challenges of life, and whether I’m worthy of respect and happiness.

5.  Our level of self esteem (high or low) affects the way we are and act in the world, and the way we relate to everyone else around us. All our thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions are influenced by our personal self-esteem.

6. Our self-esteem is influenced and shaped by our positive or negative life experiences.

7. In the early years, parents are the most significant influence on self-esteem. It is crucial that they create an environment of unconditional love, and a stable sense of being cared for and respected.

8. During the school years, academic achievement is a significant contributor to the development of self-esteem development, as are social experiences. As children grow up, they start using social comparisons to assess whether they did better or worse than other children in different activities.

9. In adolescence, peer influence plays a much more significant role. In particular, successful friendships and social acceptance develop a sense of inner confidence that leads to a healthy, and high, self-esteem. However, being ignored or rejected by peers results in feelings of loneliness, creates self-doubt, and leads to low self-esteem.

10. Childhood experiences that lead to a healthy self-esteem include being listened to, being treated with warmth and respect, being given appropriate attention and affection, having your accomplishments recognized, and being taught how to deal appropriately with mistakes and failures. Experiences that contribute to low self-esteem include repeatedly being ignored, harshly criticized, ridiculed, abused, or being expected to be “perfect”, and “get it right” all the time.