7 Anger Management Tips

1.  Think before you speak as you can’t take back your words.

2. Don’t say anything until you’re feeling calm. We often regret what we say when we are mad.

3. Be simple and clear when you express what bothered you. Don’t be disrespectful, rude or hyper-critical.

4. Choose to leave the room or to distract yourself when you feel your emotions are really being stirred.

5. Try, if you can, to get some exercise as that reduces stress, and changes physiology.

6.  Think about the people you enjoy being with, as that will remind you that not everyone is bad.

7.  Try to plan ahead so you have some strategies when your feel the anger rising, and you need to take control.

7 Tips for Dealing with Feelings of Social Awkwardness

Almost everyone feels socially awkward at times. It’s partly generated by fearing we don’t know how to fit in with others, or meet social expectations. Tips to help with overcoming feeling socially awkward include

1. Recognize that most people feel that way at times – even if they hide it, and they look quite confident. So your feelings are quite normal (something many struggle with).

2.  Pay attention to your selftalk. Don’t criticize yourself. Be kind and understanding, and gentle with yourself. Also, you need to be your own best friend – who there’s to say that you WON’T fail!

3. Try to locate the source of your feelings. Is it because you are in a new situation and don’t know what is expected of you? Is it because you’re naturally introverted and shy? Is it because you’ve been bullied or made fun of it the past? Is it because you feel you don’t belong, or haven’t been accepted by the people you are with?  

4. Attack and address the source of those negative feelings. Especially work on accepting, valuing and thinking well of yourself. Also, making small talk, being friendly and chatting naturally are skills that you can work on, learn, and master over time.

5. Remind yourself these people are not your final judges!!! Also, there’s no need to feel inadequate, inferior, or ashamed. 

6. Expect things to go well, and focus hard on being relaxed. Take slow deep breaths, and build a picture of picture yourself feeling confident.  

7. Try to act relaxed and confident (regardless of your feelings) and you’ll find that you feel better, and less anxious and afraid.

5 Ways to Beat Loneliness

1. First, don’t isolate yourself – When you’re feeling lonely it is hard to go out and be with others who seem to be OK, and don’t really notice how lonely you feel.  But putting up a wall and withdrawing from your friends will only intensify that sense of loneliness, and will further undermine your self-esteem.

2. Second, keep yourself busy – Do things that you normally enjoy with others. For example, listening to a band or maybe going to watch a game … or you could always try something that’s new, but interests you! That would allow you to connect in a non-threatening way … as it takes the focus off talking, and off you.

3. Third, be kind to yourself - It’s likely that you regularly beat yourself up, criticise yourself and are unrealistic in the kinds of expectations that you have for yourself. So what, if it goes wrong? You can always try again – just learn what you can from the experience. And notice your successes and the times when it goes well. It’s likely that this happens a lot more than you think! 

4. Fourth, recognise that we ALL battle loneliness at times - You’re not some kind of freak – it’s actually quite normal. It something we’ve all known and understand.  

5. Fifth, talk to someone you like and trust – It can really help to talk about your feelings with a family member, a friend or counsellor. It relieves some of the painful sense of isolation – and help to get your life back in perspective again. 

How to Deal with Hurt and Pain

1. Try to give it form and to put it into words. Don’t allow it to be shapeless as that’s harder to resolve.

2. Agree that you will look at it and not ignore the pain - as any unexpressed emotions lead to problems later on.

3. Avoid triggers and memories that take you back in time, and open up old wounds, so you feel the pain again. 

4.  Ground yourself in the present and who you are today – and remember you have strengths, and good people in your life.

5. Don’t allow the hurt and pain to take control of who you are, or limit what you’ll do, or the goals you set yourself.

6. Spend as much time as possible with those who treat you well – with those who see your worth, and who love and value you.

How to get over your ex

1. Take them down from that pedestal – even if they were great, they still had lots of flaws and were less than perfect.

2. Recognise that it is over – and actively decide to leave the past behind and move on with your life.

3. Don’t contact them at all. It is hard to move on, and to start again, if you keep them in your life.

4. Avoid the places you know they tend to be; and only see mutual friends when they are not around.

5. Go out with your friends, don’t stay at home on your own. If you’re out having fun you will think of them less often.

How to Escape from an Abusive Relationship

It’s important to have a safe exit plan from an abusive relationship. The following tips might help you with this:  

·  Make a note of the phone numbers for your local women's shelters.

·  Confide in someone you genuinely trust (a good friend, a colleague at work, or a family member. Develop a code so they can help you if you are in an emergency (like a word you can text to them.)

·  If your partner harms you, go to the emergency department and ask the staff to document your visit, and your reason for seeking medical attention.

·  Journal each threat or abusive incident (with dates). If possible photograph any injuries.

·  Prepare your escape in advance. Plan where you will go, and how you will get there.

·  If you have a car, keep it backed in the driveway, with plenty of gas, and the keys close at hand, so that you can make a quick escape. Hide an extra set of car keys in case your partner steals and hides yours.

·  Set money aside, either in a secret bank account or with a trusted friend or family members.

·  Leave a packed bag with a friend or family member.  This should contain an extra set of keys, essential ID (birth certificates, social security card, credit card, bank information, important phone numbers, passport, medical records etc), some clothes and any medications. If possible, avoid making use of neighbors or mutual friends.

·  Know your partner's schedule, and plan ahead for safe times to leave.

·  Be especially alert to securing help through your computer or phone. Delete your internet browsing history, any websites you’ve checked out for resources, and all your old emails. If you called for help just before you left the house, dial another number afterwards in case your partner hits redial.

·  Leave a false trail behind. For example, call hotels or rental agencies that are several hours away from the place you are planning on moving to. 

Tips for Making Small Talk

Being good at making small talk is a crucial life skill, and is key for making a positive impression. Some tips to help you with this include:

1. Go prepared when you’re meeting new people, or when you have to attend a social event. Think about some topics you can talk about with others (and that will depend on the people you are meeting). Prepare some general questions to get others talking (For example, what are they doing for the holidays; or what good movies have they seen recently?) Also, if you’ve met some of the people at a previous event, try to remember a few things about them (such as what are their main interests, or where do they work?)

2.  Most people feel uncomfortable when meeting someone new so be the first person to say “hello.” If you’re not sure if the person will remember you, help put them at their ease by saying who you are.

3. Don’t rush introductions. Focus hard on remembering the names of those you meet, and use them often to fix them in your mind.

4. Help the other person talk by opening up the conversation with open-ended questions that asks for more details. For example, “Isn’t this a great party! How do you know (the host)?”

5. Pay careful attention to what the person’s saying; don’t allow your mind to drift or to start to wander off. Eye contact should be steady – so don’t glance to the side.

6. Make sure you listen more than you talk to someone new.

7. Work on having something relevant and interesting to say. Know what’s going on and making headlines in the news. These can help to open up a conversation. (For example, you can lead with a comment like “What do you think about…?” Have you heard…?” What is your take on…?”

8. Avoid controversial and negative topics; also, refrain from boring stories that have too many details. It’s meant to be a casual, light and easy conversation.

9. Pay attention to your body language. If you act as if you’re comfortable and confident, that will put the people around you at ease, too. However, if you look shy, awkward and uncomfortable, that will rub off on the people you are socialising with.

10. Before you join a conversation that’s already in progress, first stand on the sidelines and listen carefully. Don’t squeeze your way in with a badly-timed remark.

How to Cope with Guilt Feelings

1. Try and work out why you feel so guilty. Make a list of all the things you feel guilty about. Try and work out which item sparks the strongest reaction. That’s probably the item to focus on.

2. Rate it on a scale of 1-10. That will help you to assess how bad it really was – as sometimes we feel guilty about stupid, minor things.

3. Think through what you can do. Think of actions you can take to try and make things a bit better – even if deep down you know that you can never make things right. It will bring some relief, and will strengthen your resolve to do things differently another time.  

4. If your guilt is “false guilt” (so you just generally feel guilty), consider working with a counsellor. You may have developed a shame based personality - so you basically feel worthless and inadequate. 

5. Forgive yourself. You can’t turn back the clock. What’s done is done. But you can start again and try to be a different person. Let it go, don’t think about it. The future is what counts. 

How to Increase your Patience

1. Recognize that we are all different and unique. That can make it hard for us to understand each other but it also makes life more interesting. Choose to value that uniqueness in others.

2. Learn to accept your weaknesses and don’t expect yourself and others to be perfect.  We’re all on a journey and, usually, change is a slow process.

3. Know your triggers. Try to be aware of what annoys and upsets you – then prepare in advance so that you act, and don’t react.

4. Slowly count to ten, and take some slow deep breaths, before you open your mouth and say something you’ll regret.

5.  Try to broaden your perspective, and see things from different angles. It makes you more understanding, and more compassionate.

6. Decide to laugh a lot more and to take life less seriously. That way, you’ll feel less frustrated and you’ll feel much happier.

How to be a Better Friend

1. Prioritize being kind.

2. Be there when it matters. 

3. Learn the value of silence.

4. Never betray a confidence.

5. Never take advantage of them.

6. Help to cheer them up when they’re having a bad day.

7. Show an interest in their life, and what matters to them.  

8. Overlook those small offenses.

9. Be someone who forgives.

10. Make sure they feel valued, and important to you.